27/06/2002-28/06/2002 @01:30:41 ^02:50:54

Happy birthday to Jez for today, unless like me you're an idiot and have redefined midnight as 5am, in which case, for tomorrow. Go visit his band's website. It's about time I linked to it, but don't ask me what that stupid fork/sweet thing is about. I can only assume it's because they're all smackheads.

Also Bex actually like my caption competition entry. Huge surprise, I genuinely thought she'd be the one to take it the wrong way like she does with most of the stuff I post to aaw. The stuff she bothers reading anyway. Everyone ignores most of my posts, I'm not surprised it's not like anything I post is interesting to them.

quote "must get off this f*cking planet before I do any more damage"

I've had a really crap day today - you can tell, can't you - but I bet you think "I've had a worse one, so stop your damn whining Rob". I got into enough trouble about it, especially on Sunday night. Well please kill me for caring about whether I'm doing my thing properly and it's still working or if it's not and we're just flogging a dead horse. But anyway that's not what this update was supposed to be about so I'll stop digging myself further into that hole and start digging a new one. Here are the THREE LIFE CHOICES OF DEATH:

  1. Get proper degree-justifying job that I'm too stupid to get in other place requiring scary move out of house that there's no way in the world that I'm confident enough to do - once again I have to wonder how all you morons managed it.
  2. Stay living in mother's house in Coventry and get crappy soul-destroying job that a blind monkey could do as long as it has 12 months relevant experience that I don't have (and by the way I'd prefer to keep my soul, battered and shell-imprisoned as it is, it's mine)
  3. Get the hell off this damn planet and out of this stupid life thing before I do any more damage and people get any more upset but that I'm also probably too much of a coward to do.

So these have been going round my head for like the last month or two (the first one never looked likely, I've lost my creativity, and ability to program completely, never mind my lifelong lack of communication skills, the second, well like it says it's life in hell baby, so of course the third one is easiest, because you only have to do it once and that really is it) But fair enough. This is just crap that's going round my head and depressing me, so why is it any different to usual?

Because like always on a Thursday, my mum gets the local evening paper, with the weekly jobs section. This time she finds a job that although I might possibly think about being able to do with a lot of practice there's no damn way they'd give me it because even if they gave me an interview with my crappy no-experience CV there's no way I'd be able to convince any interviewer that I could do it, let alone all the other crap like not being an esteemless brainless twat.

So of course we have this argument. And like a buttsucking moron I mention the THREE CHOICES OF DEATH and also my theory about how your life is over as soon as you get a job because it takes it over completely and you have like no time for anything else what with all the other crap you have to do and what's the point in having the money if you've no time to use it? And then she's talking about getting me counselling and I'm like "NO NOW GO AWAY" so she's all like really upset, I mean REALLY upset, hence the quote, I have to get out before I do any more damage.

Yes I know by now you're like "oh it's Rob's monthly whinge about his life, what the hell is wrong with him, he gets himself all worked up but doesn't do anything about it, and doesn't this post just look exactly like those ones from the end of March" - well screw you, dogbreath. That's what you always say, why can't I just stop whining and actually DO something, because you don't give a toss and why should you because whenever you try to help I shout at you and bite your hand off. I signed myself off the dole because it was depressing me too much. There's no help for me because I won't let anyone give me any, I don't know why, all the suggestions my brain can instantly find a reason to dismiss. Why? I don't know, it seems to be a natural talent. I suppose everyone has to have one natural talent.
Now bugger off.

26/06/2002-27/06/2002 @02:17:21 ^02:30:44

World cup semi-finals results

Germany1-0South Korea
Brazil1-0Turkey

The stage is set for this weekend's final matches. Blah blah BBC world cup site blah as usual. Gods help us if the Germans win it again...

The AAW caption competition - the aftermath

The positive response has been surprising. In fact it's been quite freaky. Hooray for my sense of humour. Nice for once to be able to justifiably blow your own trumpet, isn't it?

Attack of the funny orange-coloured ladybirds!

I think they're breeding... I saw three of that odd orange colour all at once yesterday, and another one today (possibly one of the same) You never see more than one or very rarely two in the same place so it was kind of weird but good all the same.

24/06/2002-25/06/2002 @03:17:31 ^03:26:24

The AAW caption competition

This is my entry adapted from the aaw gallery

It won't last forever so view it while you can:-)

Watch some moron take it the wrong way and hate me forever. I bet it'll be Bex, it always is. Meh.

PS Phrase of the day: "3ft telescoping demon cock"

22/06/2002 @15:35:06 ^15:56:12

World cup quarter finals results

I'm only posting this for completeness. Having had a couple of days off from watching matches, when these next ones came round I realised I'd overdone it as usual and now I can't be bothered any more. Plus there's not many teams left in the competition that I'd like to see win it:-)

England1-2Brazil
Germany1-0USA
Spain0-0South KoreaSouth Korea win 5-3 on penalties
Senegal0-1TurkeyTurkey win by golden goal in extra time

As usual the BBC's world cup site was used as a reference. I also have to say here that which I've said everywhere else: I agree with the guy who said gods help us if England win it again, because then we'll have to endure footage of the winning goal repeated over and over again for at least the next half century.

20/06/2002 @23:35:41 ^23:47:14

19/06/2002-20/06/2002 @01:07:54 ^02:02:28

The ladybird incident

So I'm in the garden and there's a ladybird on the fence. It's a funny colour; they're usually red but this one was kind of orange. I'm like "you don't want to be on the fence" so I stick my finger down next to it, hoping it'll climb on and I can put it in some flowers or something.

What does it do? It starts sucking my finger! I'm standing there and it's sucking my finger! It was so weird. Felt really odd, like a very slight tickle. Don't ask me why it was doing this, possibly because it was just after breakfast and there was sugar dust on my finger or something.

Anyway it decided it liked my finger and eventually jumped onto it. Of course now I wanted to put it on a plant but it wouldn't jump off! Eventually I managed to gently shove it off, but only as far as the bathroom window sill.

A while later I looked back and it was still there. For some reason I didn't like this, I thought "you should be in a flower or something, you like sugar after all". So I managed to move it again onto this little shrub thing in the garden, and it climbed about for a while then went back to sleep. I kept looking for a while and it didn't move much, but this time I decided the poor thing had probably had enough excitement for one day and I left it alone.

Anyway I looked back a couple of hours after lunch and it had gone. Probably found another source of sugar. I hope it's okay. I hadn't seen one for ages and certainly not of that weird colour. And it did suck my finger(!)

Doom maps and stuff

Invictus (textfile): Episode 1 style thing. Pretty much stylistically correct, complete with obligatory nukage run, outdoor area with chaingun in corner etc. Like most maps it starts off hard (few resources, all monsters) and gets easier as you kill monsters and find more stuff. Definitely harder than original E1.

Into the breach (textfile): Construction is a typical multiarea Doom 2 level. Wood, stone, grass, stuff like that. Lots of fairly obvious traps. Prefers the larger monster types and in quantity. Care is needed but it's not impossible.

Okay I have to stop writing map reviews in this haphazard fashion! If you are wondering about the links I'm using Doom Underground's mirror script. To get a map into the archive you supply it in a zip and with an accompanying text file with credits and play information and so on. The official ftp site doesn't allow many users but there are mirrors which seem to keep moving so the mirror script thing was made and I'm leeching off of it:-) But read the textfiles they're sometimes worth it.

Also on the forums there was this thread about the nature of the monsters. I love this sort of thing. The argument goes between keep it mythical and magical, or shall we be scientific, or whatever. Teleporters in stomachs indeed. There's a more scientific sounding page on the monsters at doom2.net. I never said it was actual science(!) but you can tell they're trying to sound authentic and yeah that's all good.

18/06/2002 @23:00:29 ^23:37:11

World cup second round results summary

I think I can do this now. Yes all right I know I'm basically stealing this off of the BBC world cup site but I'm not not really because I know all the results having watched the games and all I use the BBC site for is checking that it's all in the right order okay?

Germany1-0Paraguay
Denmark0-3England
Sweden1-2SenegalSenegal win by golden goal in extra time
Spain1-1Rep. of IrelandSpain win 3-2 on penalties
Mexico0-2USA
Brazil2-0Belgium
Japan0-1Turkey
South Korea2-1ItalySouth Korea win by golden goal in extra time

You know what? I think that tomorrow, for the first time in about two and a half weeks, there's no football on the telly. Or the day after. Oh well. No-one suffer withdrawal symptoms please.

17/06/2002-18/06/2002 @00:50:34 ^02:03:30

It's been really warm today, and quite humid; almost uncomfortable sometimes. It would get on my nerves, if being all hot and sweaty didn't make me so horny:-)

The football continues to be unpredictable. First the USA beat Mexico 2-0 then Belgium very nearly beat Brazil (but eventually lose 2-0) But... England v Brazil on Friday! Heavy!

It would have been quite interesting if Portugal had finished their group in second place. Why? Because then we would have had a rerun of that infamous match which caused the bored spectators to riot... Oh wait, that was just a cartoon! Oh well.

This week I have been mainly reading the Doomworld forums because they're quite funny and much better than the content of aaw recently. Honestly I post my hilarious poem and the only reply I get (so far) is the usual pedantic deconstruction of it. Ever heard of poetic licence, Peter?

Oops, I digressed... and ranted. Anyway I wish that I could post something on Doomworld but I'm too scared. The moderators seem to have a nasty habit of banning people for like very little reason at all, and even then all the regulars whale on newbies most of the time. Bah. Oh well. Reminds me of the time I took like three or four months before I felt able to post to any of the internal newsgroups at Warwick.

BBC2, having finished repeating Season 9 for the first time (that is, the second time they've shown each episode, except of course for the supposedly offensive ones like The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson and cutting out the When Buildings Collapse bit from Lisa the Simpson, (create the damn capsule already! then this link would actually work!!) they've now gone right back to Season 1. Why not go on to 10, or show 2, 3, 4 or 5 like they haven't done for ages? Damn Sky sitting on it, that's what.

Oh well at least Channel 4 have got round to Angel season 2 at last. Shame it's not synchronised properly with Buffy on BBC2. Stupid TV channels. Run by idiots, who don't care about the proper viewing of shows, just ratings and crap like that. Idiots. But I'm told I shouldn't bitch about English TV too much because it's apparently far worse in other countries. The mind boggles!

This update is too long. I bet no-one's still reading. Oh well that means I can talk about Doom and not worry that no-one cares because no-one's reading!!

Doom WADs of the day: Evil's Playground (textfile) Two maps in the Doom 1 Hell (i.e. Episode 3) style, indeed the second is a blatant tribute to E3M5, the Unholy Cathedral. These maps are surprisingly difficult compared to those by the same author. Also there's Mad Stuff In Doom (textfile) which was indeed quite funny but not as much as the author's previous Spacia (textfile)

16/06/2002 @23:44:09 ^00:58:25

Shame about Ireland... Like I was on about yesterday. I hate penalties!

By the way I've archived again.

How to make a copious quantity of playdough

You will need: water, plain flour, salt, cream of tartar, cooking oil, and probably some sort of food colouring.

  1. Put 2 cups (half-pint cups, you know, like mugs you drink tea from) of flour, 1 cup of salt and 4 teaspoons of cream of tartar (it's anyone's guess what that stuff actually is) into a bowl. Mix it all up.
  2. In a jug, add 2 tablespoons of cooking oil and lots of food colouring to 2 cups of water.
  3. Pour the flour/salt/tartar mix into a big saucepan, at least something you can heat on a stove. Slowly mix the water/oil/colouring solution in, until it is all thoroughly mixed up. It will start off stiff and lumpy but should be a fairly consistent colour throughout and quite runny when mixed properly.
  4. Now put the pan on a very low heat. Stir continuously, only stopping to scrap off any gooey lumps that get attached to the spoon. And stir it properly! Don't just go round the edge in circles, and leave the middle alone!
  5. The mixture will become more and more viscous, usually in the way of lumps apparently coagulating. As it becomes more solid, turn the heat down and keep stirring, and turning over the increasingly solid material in the pan (which will require some effort towards the end)
  6. Eventually the mixture in the pan will be one large fairly sticky lump that is almost impossible to stir. At this point remove the pan from the heat. It is important not to wait too long for this to happen, else the mixture will weld itself to the pan.
  7. Scrape out the blob in the pan onto a plate and knead it a bit. That is, give it a damn good pummelling:-) It will become slightly less sticky to your fingers and more sticky to itself, if that makes any sense.
  8. Congratulations. You have now made playdough. Don't eat any of it:-) To stop it from drying out it should be placed in an airtight container. Tying it up in a freezer bag or something should do.

This will produce quite a lot of playdough, about two or three pounds of the stuff. If you don't want that much I don't see why the quantities couldn't be scaled down.

(Credit: I got this recipe from Sarah who got it from one of the teachers at the school she's working at this term. If you're reading this, hon, and you think I've missed anything, please tell me:-) )

15/06/2002 @15:18:55 ^15:22:17

England 3-0 Denmark!! HOORAY!! But unexpected. I was expecting penalties. Thank goodness it didn't come to that.

15/06/2002 @09:38:59 ^13:30:59

World cup group stages results and tables

Group A

France0-1Senegal
Uruguay1-2Denmark
Denmark1-1Senegal
France0-0Uruguay
Denmark2-0France
Senegal3-3Uruguay
WDLFAPts.GD
Denmark210527+3
Senegal120545+1
Uruguay021452-1
France012031-3

Group B

Paraguay2-2South Africa
Spain3-1Slovenia
Spain3-1Paraguay
South Africa1-0Slovenia
Slovenia1-3Paraguay
South Africa2-3Spain
WDLFAPts.GD
Spain300949+5
Paraguay1116640
South Africa1115540
Slovenia003270-5

Group C

Brazil2-1Turkey
China0-2Costa Rica
Brazil4-0China
Costa Rica1-1Turkey
Costa Rica2-5Brazil
Turkey3-0China
WDLFAPts.GD
Brazil3001139+8
Turkey111534+2
Costa Rica111564-1
China003090-9

Group D

South Korea2-0Poland
USA3-2Portugal
South Korea1-1USA
Portugal4-0Poland
Poland3-1USA
Portugal0-1South Korea
WDLFAPts.GD
South Korea210417+3
USA111564-1
Portugal102643+2
Poland102373-4

Group E

Rep of Ireland1-1Cameroon
Germany8-0Saudi Arabia
Germany1-1Rep of Ireland
Cameroon1-0Saudi Arabia
Cameroon0-2Germany
Saudi Arabia0-3Rep of Ireland
WDLFAPts.GD
Germany2101117+10
Rep of Ireland120525+3
Cameroon111234-1
Saudi Arabia0030120-12

Group F

Argentina1-0Nigeria
England1-1Sweden
Sweden2-1Nigeria
Argentina0-1England
Nigeria0-0England
Sweden1-1Argentina
WDLFAPts.GD
Sweden120435+1
England120215+1
Argentina1112240
Nigeria012131-2

Group G

Croatia0-1Mexico
Italy2-0Ecuador
Italy1-2Croatia
Mexico1-2Ecuador
Ecuador1-0Croatia
Mexico1-1Italy
WDLFAPts.GD
Mexico210427+2
Italy111434+1
Croatia102233-1
Ecuador102243-2

Group H

Japan2-2Belgium
Russia2-0Tunisia
Japan1-0Russia
Tunisia1-1Belgium
Belgium3-2Russia
Tunisia0-2Japan
WDLFAPts.GD
Japan210527+3
Belgium120655+1
Russia1024430
Tunisia012151-4

I worked all these out and typed them in, then checked answers with the BBC's World Cup site. I'd only got a couple actually wrong. I got a few matches in the matches lists in a different order, or the order of the teams in a match the wrong way round, but that didn't change the results, of course. Good exercise in HTML tables as well:-)

11/06/2002-12/06/2002 @01:56:28 ^02:08:25

I have to write this down before I forget it so I figure it might as well go here:

sox -t ossdsp -s -w -c2 -r 48000 /dev/dsp -t wav - | lame -t - test.mp3

Two more things:

Doom WAD of the day: ASDOOM (infotext) Yeah, I couldn't resist playing ASDOOM II's predecessor (see yesterday) It's not so good, there is a little bit of plot but not that much but it wasn't as bad as some stuff from back then so what the hell. Also, playing using the Freedoom resources installed made it a bit more interesting.

10/06/2002-11/06/2002 @01:58:07 ^02:21:06

Apparently, in about four hours, you can have sex five times, come twice, be sucked off once and make your girl come twenty-five times.

I blasted well wish I could!!!

Doom WAD of the day: ASDOOM 2 (infotext, Review on Doom Underground) Great example of 8 not too good maps, but greatly enhanced by the supplied plot - I don't think I'd've bothered playing through it if it weren't for that certain something you get from following a plot, seeing how that plot relates to the maps you're playing, and so on. Nice. Another good example is galaxia (infotext)

PS Yes I know, I lied, I said I didn't think I had time for an update today in a couple of emails I sent tonight. But hey. As long as I don't "die the next time I see you"</end-dreadful-in-joke>

09/06/2002-10/06/2002 @01:44:51 ^01:58:34

Death wish email

>>>>>>Underwood? hahaha! Ideal name for you because all night long you are
>>>>>>under wood! Or maybe on top of wood, or sucking wood, or taking wood
>>>>>>from behind or...
>>>>>You forgot about all day long and all afternoon long.
>>>>I feel inadequate. Does anyone else feel inadequate?
>>>Na, just you! ;)
>>Thanks hon. I'm just gonna go off and have a little cry now.
><comforting>Don't worry Rob, I feel inadequate too.</comforting>

You can't f*ck more than once in any given evening either?

>Oh bollocks, I'm not lying.
>[/me goes and cries as well. Or something]


Find some porn. It takes the pain away, at least for a while.

Actually I've hardly had a wank for about a week now. Ha, I knew I
wasn't addicted. I knew I could give it up whatever time I liked.

--
RjY at The Realm of anARCHy .co.uk >o o< http://www.triv.org.uk/~rjy/

09/06/2002 @22:47:53 ^23:05:34

So the site's back up. Now ordinarily I'd probably not be bothered, not think it matters if it were down for a while, but I got this in the email this afternoon: (14:27)

Distressingly I've been unable to read your website today so I hope there aren't any dodgy comments on there!

Whoops!

Let's write some dodgy stuff: Poo! Wee! Bum! Willy! Put your hands in my pants. Feel me throbbing baby. Let me stick it in into you. Stick it in. Pull it out! In! Out! Do the hokey cokey baby! Give it to me! Give it to me yeah! Bounce baby bounce! Feel it hard inside you baby! Bounce it! Yeah!

The time it took you to read that last paragraph is how long the next time you have sex will last.

08/06/2002 @13:34:43 ^13:47:20

This site won't be here for a few hours tomorrow

That's Sunday 9th June 2002. Downtime from 10am to 7pm has been estimated. Just so you know. And those times are in BST by the way.

Aaaargh! Bloomin' typical!!

A long time ago a dentist's appointment was arranged for 9:30am, on Wednesday 12th June. I just realised that will clash... with... the... end... of... England's... final.. group... stages... game... against... Nigeria... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!

07/06/2002 @23:32:50 ^00:23:29

The country has something to smile about (for a change)

England 1-0 Argentina. It should have been two or three for England but then Argentina could have scored a couple as well, you know how it is. I think England probably deserved the win, but then I would say that. But, anyway. Yay. Try to enjoy the mood of the nation while it lasts (Wednesday, or whenever the next match is:-) ) And best wishes to the Republic of Ireland for their final game against Saudi Arabia.

Metablog

The way that these things work is that you post what you're thinking about at the time. You go to one of these blogging community sites like blogger.com and it's all like "post your thoughts on the web whenever the urge strikes". It so doesn't work like that for me because half the time this computer isn't even switched on and even then I can't use the connection because it's not the evening or the weekend.

...THINKS... Metablog... wasn't he ruler of the Evil Decepticons? No, that was Megatron. Oh well... What the hell was I on about? Oh yeah...

Anyway the point is when you update you're supposed to be writing about what you're thinking about. In my case, all too often this means I'm thinking about writing a a blog - you know, the HTML, the helper script update-blog, and so on. Half the updates seem to be about the site itself, you know? The word that springs to mind is "metablog". A blog about a blog. Weird. Oh well, we need abstraction. And a different way to add entries. Or something... Okay now I'm just wittering. Shut up Rob.

By the way Felix has updated his blog. On a related note I chanced upon Confessions of a Mozillian, the top couple of entries of which amusingly diss Cocoa and the whole Mac thing (top entries at time of writing, dated Thursday 6th June) okay I admit I'm stirring but looking briefly through the page it might just be that he doesn't like some guy called Blake...

Health update (see 5/6/2002 below)

05/06/2002-06/06/2002 @01:20:20 ^01:50:59

The dog was ill today. She threw up a few times all over the place so we didn't give her any breakfast. But she seemed all right so we gave her a small amount for lunch but she brought it straight back again so we decided, right, no more food for you today. But she still was all right, and kept pestering for food. Because she doesn't seem actually ill I think it might just be that she picked up something nasty and ate it while out on a walk, but it makes no sense, because surely when you're sick you don't feel like eating more...?

Yesterday was a lot of fun. Firstly I was invited to the fair, so I wandered over after the football match on TV had finished and went on a couple of things that span round very quickly. Then I discovered that the suggestion to play football on the common had been made so I did all I could to encourage it. It was great fun. I haven't had a kickabout for years. Never mind how many my side lost by(!)

However today has been difficult because I'm so unfit that now I can hardly move my limbs, never mind being so dehydrated I woke up with what felt like a hangover:-/ I failed to get up in time for some of the matches that were on this morning but never mind, it's not like I haven't seen more than enough football these past few days.

02/06/2002-03/06/2002 @01:24:44 ^02:22:48

I should do an update on all the football matches but I haven't got time now, they're on so damned early in the morning that I have to go to bed early:-/

Doom III stuff

Here's a quote from Gamespy's interview with Tim Willits of id Software at the recent showing of Doom III at E3.

As you saw in the video, there's a good amount of scary horror scenes. The first game was an over-the-top action game. We want a scary-horror action game. It is a slower pace, as you saw, but we think that pace will really help immerse the player in that terrifying experience.

This is part of the reason why I think it's not going to be as good as the original. Think about replay value: once you've done it a couple of times you'll know where all the traps are and it stops being scary. But in the original when you get into a huge firefight with 100+ monsters it's still fun if you've done it once, twice or like two dozen times.

Being attacked by only one monster at a time is boring when you've done it a few times before, because you get the hang of it. I mean when you first got to E2M8 and saw the cyberdemon you browned your trousers, but now you can run rings round it, even kill it with your fists (scroll down to E2M8) if you're good enough.

The other part is this. Like I said before I know that when it comes out I'll never have the hardware to run it properly, if at all! So if I convince myself that it's going to be crap, I save money when it comes out:-)