Ugh I think it would be just easier to post something trivial rather than try to make the code work properly when there aren't any new enough entries.
I mean okay I think I've fixed it to not infinitely recurse and make the web server seize up. But there's still a load of other little things that don't work properly, like returning a sane last modified time for snafu. I just can't be bothered to find and handle all those little loose ends.
Oh I totally forgot to note the epoch time passing 1200000000 as well, damnit