23/05/2010 @12:36:59 ^13:53:54

I've hardly played Doom recently. Indeed I am on the point of being kicked off the Community Chest project for lack of activity. There are various reasons, mostly to do with my general dislike of the trends and fashions of modern mapping, and the nature of the maps that Community Chest seems to implicitly encourage. Alternatively, it could just be that I'm jaded and also not a very good player and I'm tired of having to play maps that I find too hard. Either way, my last few test reports have been incredibly half-arsed and now I have a pile of maps I should be testing and I'm struggling to find any motivation to work on it at all. Of course, this is all making me feel very stressed, as having any deadline upcoming always does. I should resign, but I can't bring myself to do it because I can't face people and admit to them I've let them down.

On a completely different note, having been in London for several months my friend Msj went back home to Florida a couple of weeks ago. Again I totally failed to pluck up the courage to go and visit her while she was here. She suggested that a significant component of the reason I have no friends is that I'm extremely bad at putting in the effort to keep them. I thought about this for a long time, and decided it was probably right. The question is, will I ever be able to do anything about it.