THE BRAD GOODMAN UPDATE
This is all pretty much out of a
chatlog book and I want to preserve it for humour posterity
the ten forms of twisted thinking
- All or nothing "You see things in black and white categories. If a situation falls short of perfect, you see it as a total failure"
- Overgeneralisation "You see a single negative event, such as a romantic rejection or a career reversal, as a never-ending pattern of defeat by using words such as always or never when you think about it."
- Mental filter "You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened. For example you receive many positive comments about your presentation at work but one says something mildly critical. You obsess about his reaction for days and ignore all the positive feedback"
- Discounting the positive "You reject positive experiences by insisting they don't count. If you do a good job you may tell yourself that it wasn't good enough or that anyone could have done as well."
- Jumping to conclusions "You interpret things negatively when there are no facts to support your conclusion. e.g. (mind-reading) without checking it out, you arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you. e.g. (fortune-telling) you predict that things will turn out badly. Before a test you may tell yourself that you're really going to blow it and what if you flunk? If you're depressed you may tell yourself you'll never get better."
- Magnification "You exaggerate the importance of your problems and shortcomings, or you minimise the importance of your desirable qualities."
- Emotional reasoning "You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are. e.g. you feel terrified about going on an aeroplane, so you think it must be dangerous to fly. Or, you feel inferior, therefore you must be a second-rate person.
- Should statements "You tell yourself that things should be the way you hoped or expected them to be. e.g. a gifted pianist, after playing a difficult piece, told herself that she shouldn't have made so many mistakes and gave up practising for days. Musts, oughts and have tos are similar offenders"
- Labelling "Labelling is an extreme form of all or nothing thinking. Instead of saying `I made a mistake' you attach a negative label to yourself: ``I am a loser''. You might also label yourself a fool or failure or jerk. Labelling is quite irrational because you are not the same as what you do. Human beings exist, but fools, losers, and jerks do not.
- Personalisation and blame "Personalization occurs when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn't entirely under your control. When a woman received a note that her child was having difficulties at school, she told herself it showed what a bad mother she was, instead of trying to pinpoint the problem so that she could be helpful to her child. Some people do the opposite. They blame other people or their circumstances for their problems, and they overlook ways that they might be contributing to the problem."
symptoms of social anxiety
- "You believe that people have X-ray eyes and can always see how you are feeling inside, and that feelings of shyness or anxiety will be noticed and judged as foolish and unacceptable. This makes you avoid social situations. You would rather die than let anyone know how nervous you feel."
- "You feel that you are in the limelight, being judged by others. You believe that people are cold and would readily hurt or humiliate you."
- "You believe you have to impress people to get them to like and respect you. However, you don't think you have anything interesting or worthwhile to say that will impress them. You are more preoccupied with pleasing people and acting the way they expect you to act, than in being yourself."
- "You don't believe that people will like the ``real'' you. You fear that if people found out about the ``real'' you, they would brand you as a fraud or look down on you. You feel inferior and defective in comparison with others."
- "You think that people are very judgemental and expect you to be polished, poised and perfect. You have stereotyped ideas of appropriate social behaviours. You have rigid standards of how you should feel, how you are supposed to act, and so on."
- "You are terrified that you will make a fool of yourself in front of others. You feel convinced that if you do, the word will spread like wildfire and soon everyone will look down on you."
- "You have extreme difficulty expressing negative feelings like anger. You are very unassertive and you avoid conflicts or disagreements with others."
Brad Goodman quotes
Read this Episode 1F05: Bart's Inner Child