One day, Sodium, Potassium and I were bored.
"Shall we go to the shops?" I said.
"Na" said Sodium.
"Okay fine, let's go see a film!" I said.
"K" said Potassium.
that's the best joke I thought up since the last joke I thought up
Kids TV is for children but that doesn't mean I shouldn't watch it occasionally on the grounds that it might be funny for some stupid reason. Recently there have been a number of things on that are worthy of comment.
This is the best thing since Tiny Planets. Seriously this is the most incredible piece of television I have seen for a very long time. It's totally fucked up. In fact every so often it just goes over the line and you wonder if it can't just be a gigantic pisstake.
You have this girl Stephanie who moves to this town where everyone is really lazy, hence the name. But she wants to play and dance and whatever. Then this guy turns up, his name is Sportacus and he does all these backflips and shit and gets everybody motivated. I think he's meant to be some sort of superhero or something because he's got this flashing crystal that tells him when someone's in trouble (cue swinging arms, bunch of orchestra hits, backflips etc) There's this other guy, who is basically the Grinch, his name is Rotten Robbie or something, all I know is, he's got the most unbelievable chin you've ever seen. Anyway he wants the town to carry on doing shit all so he can get some peace and quiet. These three are the only real people, there are a load of puppets as well who are Stephanie's friends, also the town mayor, etc. The whole thing is apparently designed to promote activity and healthy eating in children.
- Of course the only reason Sportacus is called Sportacus is so they can do an episode where Robbie Rotten pretends to be him (oh yeah he's a master of disguise as well, which is deeply impressive given his chin) and they can have an "I'm Sportacus" "No I'm Sportacus" scene
- One time all the kids fall out with Stephanie because they think she's written mean things about them in her diary. She hasn't at all, it's just Robbie's plan. The kids are so stupid they think Stephanie must have written the note they have. Sportacus of course brings them all back together. The best part is when he says "how did you know she wrote it" and they're all "it's on pink paper who else would have written it!"
- Lazy Town gets voted the most inactive town in the world, which delights Robbie but they decide to do something about it by being really active. The only thing Mrs Busybody is good at is answering the telephone quickly, so they keep making phones ring all over the town and she runs around answering them. But she can't keep it up so Sportacus does another one of his massive jumps, pulls an apple off a tree and throws it at her. She eats it and runs off at high speed, going "I feel so alive!!"
Okay you totally have to have the right sense of humour to appreciate this programme. Most people I think would hate it or think it's stupid. But it must do some good, because whenever I saw it I really wanted to eat apples afterwards...
The Basil Brush Show
Okay I like this because it's so stupid. I mean the jokes are just so horrible and you can see them coming a mile off BUT that's the whole point, it's very self-aware and well I want to say it breaks the fourth wall but that just means talking to the audience so that's not really what I mean. But it's aware that it's a TV show and makes fun of itself in that way and I like that in a programme for some reason. Like, when something dumb happens and Basil goes "who writes this rubbish!" Yeah I know it's stupid but I have a stupid sense of humour, go away.
The Giblet Boys
This is some dumb comedy in which three brothers get into wacky adventures and concoct zany schemes. It's funny because all the characters are so dumb and it's all very silly. Like for example the eldest one is always trying to make money but ends up filling his entire house with bananas and things like that. Well it makes me laugh and for something that's on ITV it's not bad!
Mona the Vampire
This is a horrible cartoon about three children who dress up as a vampire an alien and a princess and then go and have adventures that are vaguely related to real life stuff going on around them. The weird part is is that they're not really superheroes disguised as children, but just that they're all completely delusional. Like in the one episode I actually saw all of, Mona has this aunt who takes a fancy to the school principal, but for some reason they see the aunt as this giant spider who wants to eat him. Mental.
Remember that episode of the Simpsons where they add a character to Itchy & Scratchy? Bart Lisa Milhouse Nelson and some other kids are on a focus group thing which concludes that the ideal I&S would have both far out crap like magic and lasers and fantastic adventure, and at the same time, deal with real life issues relevant to kids today and blah blah blah.
Trollz is that programme. You have these five girls all with fucking huge hair (like those stupid troll dolls I guess) and they have magical powers and there's this evil goblin trying to take over the world and there's ogres and stuff like that. But at the same time they're obsessed with fashion and going shopping and generally acting like teenaged girls who have to go to school etcetc. I swear this thing was designed by a committee to appeal to as many markets as possible. I mean the characters are so unlikely to get on with each other, there's an overzealous leader and an airheaded fashion slut and a studious nerd and maybe one who's sporty, I forget. The best one is a goth with piercings and an attitude problem! I couldn't stop laughing. It's just a wonder you can't phone in to win things!