16/02/2003 @14:15:06 ^16:09:50
IT WAS A LIE!!
Yes I made up that thing about six valentine cards as the best way to get at everyone posting whinges about not receiving any. Even if you did get one, what then? Sure, you feel elated now but later you'll split up having probably contracted VD. Was it worth those burning sensations when you go for a slash?
PX376 IS DEAD!
Writing Skills is no longer a compulsory course for third year maths/physics undergraduates at the university. I feel cheated.
Writing skills was a highly time-consuming course whose payoff was completely unrelated to the effort you put into it. That is to say the assignments
- took vast amounts of time to complete, to the detriment of all other courses that were on at the same time
- gave vast amounts of stress, because the work was the kind of thing I simply cannot do, and thought I'd left behind when I finished GCSE English. This was a personal thing, everyone else seemed to find it easy.
- took the same (large) amount of time and effort to do the assignments badly as it took to do them well, so you couldn't just knock it off and say "fuck it"
I hated that fucking course and feared the two hour classes, and now the snotty-nosed brats don't have to do it. I went through hell and it didn't do me any good, I'm still fucking jobless, yet the brats are all getting it easy, where's the justice? Education doesn't mean shit.
DAVE MY HERO
Another revelation: Evil Dave is my hero. He's everything I try to be but better. He's rude and disgusting to everyone, like me, yet still people like him. I tried so hard to be that sort of laidback honest type but no they saw through me and now I'm seen as just another whingy kook, you know, the type you can't talk to honestly, you have to worry about what you say to them because they'll take it personally and scream at you.
Consider Sarah who I fell out with after she went off with him again having spent the previous five months telling me and everyone else that "she wasn't doing the casual thing any more". Dave of course proceeded to remind us all of this and his legendary sexual prowess as often as possible.
Now a few weeks ago she phoned up and I was saying "why don't you just leave me alone" She's like "I want our friendship back". Oh yeah? No. These days she treats me differently: she's decided I'm not the laidback honest guy I try to be and now talks to me now like she talks to all the other people she sees as emotional fuckups that she thinks she has to care about. She doesn't tell me shit any more. So we'll never have it back. I can't be friends with someone who treats me like she's a councillor and I'm her fucking patient.
Yet I quote "Sarah wants someone like Dave at the moment." Because Dave "the woolly mammoth of love" is like yeah, talk to me baby I'll take the piss and give you my honest opinion or whatever and she does because of... I don't know, something, I tried to be it before but I failed. I should say that since then to my knowledge they haven't been at it again... but it's half-term next week, just you wait for all the fireworks.
Also consider Matthew, who flames me every time I say anything disgusting that I think is funny. To be fair when Dave does the same thing and worse he gets the same reaction... but those two get on really well, whereas Matthew and I have a barely concealed mutual hatred, he flames me every time most every time I express an opinion, he tried to drive me off alt.alumni.warwick and the triv mailing lists... I don't get it.
So anyway in conclusion, what's happened is I tried to play with the big boys and now I'm payin' for it every day. I tried to be this way and yet there's someone else who's better at it, and it's him, I hate the guy he's really annoying but everyone still likes him and I hate it and I realised that it's because he's everything I want to be but he's better at it. No matter how good you are there's always someone better than you.
