14/11/2003 @20:23:49 ^21:27:08

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Apart from "enema cards" I have a new name for the cleaning strips it demands: "sanitary pads". But they don't have wings!

I have something hot for you here, it's 9'18" long

Apart from fixing the internet the other big piece of news from last weekend was this. Finally after months of alternately recording dozens of attempts and long pauses caused by sheer frustration I achieved my well-documented aim of breaking ten minutes on a blastem2 UV max demo. In fact as you probably can guess from the title, I smashed it.

I don't know how I took so much time off it other than the fact that any time under eleven minutes is down to luck; how many monsters get into fights with each other, how many don't get trapped in awkward places and take time to find, etc. and I guess I hit all the sweet spots at once. Well, it's about time, I've certainly put the effort in.

The overall target was a max demo under 10 minutes and a speed demo under 3 minutes, which, when achieved to my satisfaction would be posted here and possibly sent to the DSDA. But in addition, as luck would have it just in time for my demos being recorded Doomworld creates a demos forum for me to attention whore them in!

Well maybe later. Trouble is now I don't think the 2'51" speedrun I recorded in July is as good as it can be, so I've been trying to improve it. I mentioned that I'd made a 2'55" back then but somehow forgot that it wasn't the best one. Watching it again though I think there's very little room for improvement using my route, and just like the maxdemo the difference between beating 2'51" and being over three minutes is down to luck.

I have something else even hotter, so hot it'll burn your garden down

I came home on the fifth and found my mum had decided to buy a box of fireworks. This is unprecedented, especially as I got to set them all off, in spite of my history of setting light to things in my room, the plastic bin in the kitchen, etc. Well, I stand by my record of never letting a fire get completely out of control.

Anyway I saved them for the following Saturday so I actually had some light to make sure I could set things up properly. I waited for darkness to fall, and pausing briefly to staple it to the floor to prevent it from getting up again in a hurry, I lit the miniature bombs one by one. Most just shot fountains of sparks about six or seven feet high but there were a couple that popped blobs of spitting fire fifty feet into the air! That was really good fun! It's just a shame one of my fountains wasn't set in the ground properly, as I found out when it fell over and badly singed the plants.

But still it was better than going to a big organised display because instead of being assaulted by lasers and the Indiana Jones theme at earsplitting volume, you get to appreciate each beautifully mastercrafted packet of heavy metal and gunpowder fully by going "look, streetlight colour! that must be sodium!" and generally acting like an overexcited nerd. Also if you're going to play music on big speakers in a field, you should be playing music wholly or predominantly characterised by the emission of a succession of repetitive beats, like all the gods intended. Fuck this cheesy shit!

PS sorry for not posting this earlier in the week like I promised oh well it's here now