27/06/2002-28/06/2002 @01:30:41 ^02:50:54

Happy birthday to Jez for today, unless like me you're an idiot and have redefined midnight as 5am, in which case, for tomorrow. Go visit his band's website. It's about time I linked to it, but don't ask me what that stupid fork/sweet thing is about. I can only assume it's because they're all smackheads.

Also Bex actually like my caption competition entry. Huge surprise, I genuinely thought she'd be the one to take it the wrong way like she does with most of the stuff I post to aaw. The stuff she bothers reading anyway. Everyone ignores most of my posts, I'm not surprised it's not like anything I post is interesting to them.

quote "must get off this f*cking planet before I do any more damage"

I've had a really crap day today - you can tell, can't you - but I bet you think "I've had a worse one, so stop your damn whining Rob". I got into enough trouble about it, especially on Sunday night. Well please kill me for caring about whether I'm doing my thing properly and it's still working or if it's not and we're just flogging a dead horse. But anyway that's not what this update was supposed to be about so I'll stop digging myself further into that hole and start digging a new one. Here are the THREE LIFE CHOICES OF DEATH:

  1. Get proper degree-justifying job that I'm too stupid to get in other place requiring scary move out of house that there's no way in the world that I'm confident enough to do - once again I have to wonder how all you morons managed it.
  2. Stay living in mother's house in Coventry and get crappy soul-destroying job that a blind monkey could do as long as it has 12 months relevant experience that I don't have (and by the way I'd prefer to keep my soul, battered and shell-imprisoned as it is, it's mine)
  3. Get the hell off this damn planet and out of this stupid life thing before I do any more damage and people get any more upset but that I'm also probably too much of a coward to do.

So these have been going round my head for like the last month or two (the first one never looked likely, I've lost my creativity, and ability to program completely, never mind my lifelong lack of communication skills, the second, well like it says it's life in hell baby, so of course the third one is easiest, because you only have to do it once and that really is it) But fair enough. This is just crap that's going round my head and depressing me, so why is it any different to usual?

Because like always on a Thursday, my mum gets the local evening paper, with the weekly jobs section. This time she finds a job that although I might possibly think about being able to do with a lot of practice there's no damn way they'd give me it because even if they gave me an interview with my crappy no-experience CV there's no way I'd be able to convince any interviewer that I could do it, let alone all the other crap like not being an esteemless brainless twat.

So of course we have this argument. And like a buttsucking moron I mention the THREE CHOICES OF DEATH and also my theory about how your life is over as soon as you get a job because it takes it over completely and you have like no time for anything else what with all the other crap you have to do and what's the point in having the money if you've no time to use it? And then she's talking about getting me counselling and I'm like "NO NOW GO AWAY" so she's all like really upset, I mean REALLY upset, hence the quote, I have to get out before I do any more damage.

Yes I know by now you're like "oh it's Rob's monthly whinge about his life, what the hell is wrong with him, he gets himself all worked up but doesn't do anything about it, and doesn't this post just look exactly like those ones from the end of March" - well screw you, dogbreath. That's what you always say, why can't I just stop whining and actually DO something, because you don't give a toss and why should you because whenever you try to help I shout at you and bite your hand off. I signed myself off the dole because it was depressing me too much. There's no help for me because I won't let anyone give me any, I don't know why, all the suggestions my brain can instantly find a reason to dismiss. Why? I don't know, it seems to be a natural talent. I suppose everyone has to have one natural talent.
Now bugger off.