Okay I lied, I can think of something about which to update
Mister "no I haven't got a Zero Wing fixation" Nelis took up my type-in challenge and in fact made a version of the program in Python. To prevent idiots cut and pasting it he put the program into an image (hope that link works, he might have removed it by now) I thought this was a sufficiently good idea for me to be bothered to type it in.
But it was full of bugs! I fell off my chair with humourousness:-)
PS When I first saw Python I wasn't sure about it, I don't like the way it forces you to indent your code in certain ways and it seems almost everything needs a colon on the end but after this, well, it's not too bad, but I think I'll stick to Perl and maybe shell scripts for interpreted languages for now.